there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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