Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
