i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
