successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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