Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
