i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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