im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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