You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
