I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
