I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
