He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
