i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
