I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
