u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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