on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
