Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
