he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
