you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
