You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
