did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
