They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
