I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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