I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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