I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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