id be glad to
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
