I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
