What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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