So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
