Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
