I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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