He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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