Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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