My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
