the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
