I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
