Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't deserve a penis
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
