whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
