i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
ttyl tear gas
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
