I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
