You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
