You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
