I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
