I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
