How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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