I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
