maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
