she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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