my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
