Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
