I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
