So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
