You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
