Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
