If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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