What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
