I will die if light touches me.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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