He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my being single is dangerous.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
