shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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