Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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